The Price

Huddled in the corner the darkness envelopes me like a blanket. This not a reassuring blanket of warmth that I would not want to shed. This blanket grips me. With every breath this blanket squeezes me tighter crushing my lungs, and threatening to steal my soul away. I do not know why this darkness scares me so. I have spent most of my life in the darkness. I walked into the darkness of my own free will. Suddenly the ethereal sounds of movement creep across the darkness, I snap out of my own thoughts. I strain my eyes in the darkness to see where or from what the sound came from. It is far too dark to see anything right in front of me let alone across the room. I clench my fists waiting for the thing that made the sound to come closer. The darkness remains silent. Slowly I release my fists. The tingling sensation of blood flowing into my hands reassures me that I am still alive. Yet that same feeling frightens me. That feeling means that this is real and I am in trouble. The darkness remains quiet and I start to think about how I got here. I had once been in the Light, a Light of warmth, that feeds and comforts. I had chosen to walk away from that life giving light. What kind of moron would do that I thought? The answer came to mind in an instant, like a knife in my heart. I was that kind of moron. Surely I thought I must have had a reason to walk away. But truthfully I didn’t. I never really faced anything so horrific that I had the right to blame the Light for it all. My life was not perfect but it was no hell on earth that I had convinced myself that it was. I had walked to that which I knew would lead me to Hell with my eyes wide open. I had no excuse to make I saw my choice as a choice that would lead me from the light. I chose poorly, my current situation was proof of that. How could I …. The shuffling of feet in the darkness snaps me back to where I was now. I still cannot see anything. I hesitate as the sound dies out. I sit looking in to the darkness searching for the source of the footsteps. Nothing I can’t see a …. Wait in the distance I see two red eyes staring in my direction. Please I beg don’t let them see me. The eyes stare unblinking in my direction. I can hear the ragged breath of someone or thing in the distance. I clamp me eyes shut like a young child hoping that if I don’t see it, it won’t see me. I shut my eyes tighter and tighter. All the sound in the darkness stops. I slowly open my eyes there is nothing there. A small wave of relief washes over me, but it only last for a few seconds. In the darkness my mind drifts once again to the choices I have made. I can see the faces of the people that I have wronged in my life and never apologized to. How could one man have hurt so many? Always acting like such a fool. A lone tear runs down my face. If only remorse was enough to cleanse me of my past stains. But no the stains are still there. There for the world to see, for every one that passes me to see and judge me for. I cannot run from the evil I have done, its marks are on me for the world to see. That at least the darkness must hide. If I cannot see them then they surely cannot see me for the evil I have done.
As I ponder the real content of my heart and what type of man I really am, I never hear the footsteps moving again. They are not only moving but are getting closer. It isn’t till I feel the hot breath of the owner of the feet on my head. Its breath pours down on me like a toxic cloud burning my bald head. The fowl breath stings my eyes, I blink to clear my vision. When my sight returns I wish I had never blinked. There staring down at me was a man that look like me. Yet he didn’t act like me. The way he stood had a power behind it, a power that radiated from him. I tried to speak but my words were caught in my throat . I continued to try to talk but no sound came out. My twin began to speak . “Welcome my brother” he said. “Welcome to our world.” Our world I thought I had nothing to do with this place. “Ah that is where your wrong” he answered me. I was shocked I had said nothing. “Don’t look so surprised” he said “we are one and the same . This world WAS made by you and I am you”. He walked over to me in the darkness. He leaned in close to me and blew his vile breath on my face. The pain was excruciating. I have never felt anything like it before. It felt as if someone had taken my eyes and rub them with a burning cheese grater. My sight slowly returned but this time the darkness wasn’t so dark. I blinked my eyes to get the burning to stop. “The pain will never stop” my twin informed me, “there are costs for everything you do. This is the cost for being able to see what you have done”. He turned and walked away after a few steps he stopped looked at me and motioned for me to follow. I shook my head. I wasn’t too sure I wanted to see more of this. “Ignoring what you have done will not make it go away, you must embrace everything so that you may become stronger”. I shook my head again. My twin shrugged his shoulders. “Have it your way, but this must be done” Suddenly I lay retching on the floor next to my twin. “I told you there is a cost for every choice you make. This is the cost for being obstinate.” I lay on the floor gasping and spitting. “Now if we may continue,” my twin slowly turns and walk towards a door that I hadn’t seen before. I look to him for help but he was out of my reach. I fight to stand. My first few steps are a strain but I slowly make my way to the door. I finally stumble to my twin, he looks at me with a sense of superiority and says “good, My Brother.” He opens the door and steps through. I think of turning and running away, I hesitate trying to think of how to get out of this place. In the back of my mind all I hear is “there is price that you must pay”. I know I am hopeless so I follow him in to the next room. The next room was lit by a red light from a source that could not be seen. In this room there were pictures on the walls of the things in my life that I had done. They were an embarrassment for me to look at. Had I really done these foolish things? “Oh yes, you not only did these things, you thought it was cool.” I hung my head in disgust a wave of guilt washed over me. “That is the price you must pay for these actions” my twin informed me. My twin turned and walked to the door to the next room. I hesitated to move. “Are we to go through this again?” he asked. I hung my head, but didn’t move. Once again I hear the voice in my head say “there is a cost for every choice you make.” Suddenly I am on the floor again venting the content of my stomach. I roll over gasping for air. My twin looks down at me with no pity “you will learn to listen won’t you? Things will go much faster.” He opened the door and steps through, not wanting to suffer again, I follow. This next room is not like the one before, this room is inhabited only by pictures of me. I see pictures of my face when I screamed at my children. Over there is one of me looking at another as if to say you will never a good as me. I scan the walls picture after picture of me teeth bared in anger. Eyebrow raised in disgust. Fists clenched in anger. In the center of wall opposite from me I see a picture much larger than the others. I staring at it, it is almost as if I cannot turn away. “That picture is called self-righteousness.” I turn and looked at my twin and shook my head. No I thought I don’t act like that, others do that type of thing but not me I have better standards than that. A sudden flash stings my eyes. The pain shoots right through my brain. As I blink I see my twin with an instant camera. He is fanning an instant photo that he just took. He looks at it and chuckles, and then hands it too me. “See?” I look down at the picture and it is an exact copy of the one on the wall. The pain in my head worsens. My twin walks towards the door under the portrait that matched the one in my hand. Without even stopping or turning he spoke “That is the price you must pay for self-righteousness.” My twin reaches the door and turns to me “must we go through this at every door?. ” I can feel the bile rising in my guts. Not wanting to end upon the floor I run to the door. “Good choice, My Brother.” When we stepped in to the next room I was greeted by rows and rows of cages they lined the walls and hung from the ceiling. They were even in the floor. In every cage was occupied with creatures that look strangely human. My twin strolled to the center of the room and turned to me with a large grin on his face. “This is our greatest achievement yet. These are all the people that you have ever impacted.” Impacted I thought I never saw myself as an impactful person. “Hurt then, if you like” my twin corrected me. He walked around the room every cage that he came near the occupant would cringe in fear of him. “You sent them here with your cruel words, your ‘funny’ little pranks, oh and let’s not forget the names you would call them. Stupid, idiot, dork, retard, homo and yes even nigger” I hung my head how could I have done this. All of the prisoners in this room where because of ME! I sank to the ground. I looked at the faces that surrounded me. Suddenly a wave of horror washed over me. That face , that one right there I know that face . That face looks like my child. My child who’s spirit I have crushed so many times with an ill place word or a name that I knew would hurt. I clambered to my feet and ran to my child. As I neared the cage I tripped and hit the ground. I opened my eyes to look full in the face of a creature that looked so much like my child. As the creature focused in on my face, it reeled back in horror. I tried to say I was sorry but the words caught in my throat. I must free this child of mine. And I must do it now‼ I reached for the bars of the cage, a vice like grip clamped down on my wrist “Do not touch that, for I told you there is a cost for every choice you make.” I looked back at the creature that looks like my child. Suddenly I felt a wave of anger that I have never felt before. I rose to my feet. My twins hand still encircling my wrist. “No you cannot do this, I told you there is a cost for every choice you make.” “Then” I said to my twin “I choose to pay that price.” I twisted away from his grasp. I grabbed the cage that held the creature that looked like my child. Fire shot out of the bars and coursed through my veins. As he fire raced through me I began to weaken in my resolve. “This is the price you must pay for each of these that you have done ill too.” Despair began to creep into my heart, but then I saw the face of the little one that look so much like my child. I began to scream and strain against the bars, against the pain. Then without warning the cage door opened. The creature that looked like my child eyes blinked in dismay. I reached out my hand and said “come”. As the little one reached out for my hand, a large gust of wind blew me across the room. The cage door slammed shut. The creature that looks like my child staggered back in to the cage. “NO‼‼” I screamed “I have paid the price.” “I never said that your payment was enough” my twin said. I fell to my knees crying. The last thing I remembered seeing was the look on the creature’s face that looks like my child. The darkness came again. I huddle in the darkness alone. Wrapped once again in a blanket that can never keep me warm. As I sit there my mind wanders back to what my twin said before the darkness. “I never said that your payment was enough.” I thought about what he had said anger burned in my mind I would find away to finish that twin of mine. But how I? I could never pay back the debt charged to me. Suddenly it hit me my twin had said I could not pay the payment in full. But that meant someone could. Someone was out there that could stand in my place when payment was due. That someone must be found. At that very instant I woke to the sound of a knock at the door. I got up half dazed. Stumbled to the door and opened it. There was a man and a women at the door. I looked at them. They look at me and smiled there was no condemnation in their eyes. “We just stopped by to tell you we moved in down the street.” I looked at them “And?” I said to them. “We just wanted to say hi and ask you would like to come over to our house for dinner some night.” They said free food this could be good I thought. The gentleman continued “I also wanted to talk to you about GOD.” Oh man, I thought here it comes. The Lady at the door handed me a bible “here this is for you.” I took it and thanked her. She continued “I don’t know how much you know about the bible but there is this man in there named Jesus that died to pay the price for all the evil deeds you have done.” My heart stopped I looked at her “there are costs for everything you do” I said quietly. Right “Jesus has paid that price” she said with a smile.